Malaysians Say The Darndest Things!

Sleepy In Wonderland - A Fairy Tale To Rule Them All

December 14, 2007

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, the Evil Queen was killed, and Snow White lived happily ever after with her Prince.

THE END

“Wait a minute, how about me? I demand that my story be told!”, shouted one of the 7 dwarfs.
Therefore, this blogger was forced to tell the story of “Sleepy In Wonderland”.

Now, this outspoken dwarf’s name was Sleepy. Sleepy’s name came about because when he was ejected out of her womb, he was dead quiet. Mother Dwarf thought that her child was still-born, but a hard smack to the head jolted Sleepy out of his REM sleep and he started crying like any baby dwarf should. The baby was thus named Sleepy.

Unbeknownst to all however, that smack to the head permanently damaged Sleepy’s brain and since then, he has suffered from a generally lower IQ than the rest of the population and had problems staying awake. He once fell asleep while driving his DwarfMobile, killing 5 dwarfs and injuring 12. He once fell asleep while playing as goalkeeper for Dwarf FC, letting in a record 16 goals. He has since broken that record twice. He fell asleep while watching a show. And there was once, at band camp, he fell asleep while taking pictures with other dwarf leaders. Ah, you get the point. Anyway, I digressed.

Back at the castle of Greyskull, Sleepy the Dwarf was summoned to meet the Prince and Snow White, who was now King and Queen after the previous King died of a stomach ulcer after eating overly-spicy sambal. The King and Queen were very much in love, and the King would rather make furious animal love to his Queen 24/7 rather than expend his energy ruling the kingdom. He therefore appointed Sleepy as interim-ruler of the kingdom, and the King retired to his bedchamber with his giggling Queen in tow.

Now people saw Sleepy as a jovial old chap, and generally a nice old dwarf. Because he knew the people of the kingdom had grown tired of the previous King and his overbearing style of leadership, Sleepy convinced the people that he will be the “Ruler for the People”, and he wanted the people to work with him, and not for him.

In Wonderland, the people hated 1 thing the most: Coffee. Everything the people did, they had to bribe the palace guards and authorities with coffee. People generally hated the sight of coffee, and wanted it done away with. Sleepy knew this, and he promised that as ruler, he will work to eliminate coffee in Wonderland. The people rejoiced, and the Sleepy was hailed as one of the most popular rulers that Wonderland had ever seen.

After 4 years as ruler, the people had started getting tired of Sleepy. Sleepy had not eliminated coffee. Sleepy’s palace guards always broke the laws of the kingdom, and were never punished, while the common person was always punished without fail. Sleepy took the people’s money, and went and bought himself a brand new DwarfJet. With the DwarfJet, he flew around the world for holidays, because in Dwarfish culture, a honeymoon lasts 10 years, and Sleepy was only halfway through his honeymoon. Overall, the people were pretty fed up with Sleepy. His list of incompetencies made George Bush look like a PhD. holder. The people couldn’t take it anymore, and they planned to take to the streets to ask Sleepy to step down.

Now Sleepy was an insecure little fellow. He has feared rejection ever since his high school sweetheart dumped him after he fell asleep while making sweet sexy love. The people’s plan to take to the streets caused the biggest dent to his ego, and he warned the people not to challenge him. “Sa-ya pan-tang di-ca-bar”, he proclaimed, which when translated from Dwarfish meant “I do not like to be challenged”. But the people went ahead anyway and demonstrated against Sleepy’s administration. Sleepy, fearing that he would look weak, sent in his palace guards to break up the demonstration.

The next day, the town criers, who were under the employment of Sleepy shouted out fabricated news on the demonstration. Sleepy tried to influence public opinion by claiming that the demonstrators were violent rioters, when in fact no palace guards were injured. Sleepy also had a few of his cronies fabricate statistics that the demonstration had hurt businesses in Wonderland, when in fact, his palace guards were the ones who were guilty.

However, 2 weeks later, Sleepy faced an even greater challenge. Just for some background information, Sleepy was part of a card-playing club called UNO. Every week, Sleepy would join his friends for a game of UNO, but Sleepy always lost because his friends would change his cards when he fell asleep. Anyway, I digressed again. So this UNO club was Sleepy’s favorite club. Sleepy always gave the fattest palace contracts to UNO members, and as long as you were an UNO club member, you were set for life.

There was another club, called FRONTRAF (no relation to HIND-RAF) that thought the preferences given to UNO members were discriminatory. FRONTRAF decided to take to the streets to demand equal rights in the kingdom. Sleepy, who had thought his nightmare was over, once again felt a big dent on his ego. The truth is, Sleepy never really cared about this FRONTRAF bunch because they were just 10%. He had pretty much ignored their existence until they planned to take to the streets. Once again, Sleepy sent in his palace guards to attack the demonstrators. Many demonstrators were caught and thrown into the dungeons.

Once again, the town criers shouted out that the demonstration turned into a riot, and many palace guards were attacked. Sleepy finally managed to fool the people with his town criers. The people started to criticize the ‘riots’ because it was affecting the kingdom’s economy and they do not condone violence. However, these people did not realize that when a person is attacked, he has a right to defend himself. Therefore, the cause of all the violence was once again the palace guards. These people who were taken in by the persuasive cries of the town criers were now brainwashed to hate FRONTRAF, and also demonstrations. Sleepy and his palace guards also lied that FRONTRAF were aligned with the Lucky Tawny Toothed Elves (LTTE), a terrorist organization. Sleepy’s use of propaganda should very much be admired, for the people fell for this lies. Game, set, match.

Now, whenever an insecure person is attacked, he normally overreacts and gets really defensive. Sleepy was feeling really uneasy. He couldn’t bear to see another demonstration, as he couldn’t bear seeing himself so unpopular. After all, 4 years ago, he was seen as the most popular ruler of them all. Sleepy had a problem he couldn’t solve. Fortunately for him, he fell asleep again and dreamt up a solution. How could he have forgotten the dungeons of Isa, the land of never-ending detention? Just like Hotel California, you can never leave the dungeons of Isa even if you wanted to. Sleepy immediately summoned his palace guards to arrest the leaders of FRONTRAF and banished them to the dungeons of Isa, never to be seen or heard of again.

The people were now very afraid. There was actual fear in their hearts that if they joined another demonstration, they would be next to be banished to Isa. The people tried to consult the wise man Malaysiakini, but Sleepy’s agents had already administered a potent potion called DDOS that took Malaysiakini out of action. The people were now lost, what were they to do?

Thankfully for the people, the gods of the kingdom were wise and kind gods. They decided to bestow the people of the kingdom of Wonderland with a precious gift: They called it DEMOCRACY.

“DEMOCRA-what?!?”, the people asked. The gods shook their heads. These were really backward people. So they explained the basic rules of the game:

1. Each person gets 2 cards.
2. If those two cards are a 10 and an Ace, then the person has a Blackjack.
3. Wait, wrong game.

Ok, the basic rules of DEMOCRACY:

1. Each person gets 1 vote, and 1 vote only.
2. To get that 1 vote, the person must first register themselves to play the game.
3. At a specified date and time, the person either votes:
   • A. Strike Sleepy With Lightning
   • B. Leave Sleepy Alone
4. The number of votes for each option will then be counted, and the gods will carry out the option with the most votes.

The people loved the idea of DEMOCRACY! For once, they felt like they could make a decision that mattered. But there was a problem. Getting a person to register to vote has got to be the hardest thing to do. These people were:

1. Not bothered to register because they are more concerned about the finale of Heroes Season 2.
2. Not bothered to register because they prefer to compare whether Nuffnang or Advertlets pay them more, or why Nuffnang or Advertlets don’t give them more ads.
3. Not bothered to register because they even though they would choose Option A: Strike Sleepy With Lightning, everyone will just choose Option B: Leave Sleepy Alone.
4. Not bothered to register because they don’t believe in the gods and their precious god-given vote.

It was really a struggle to get these people to register, and thankfully, a legendary scribe comes along and knocks sense into these people’s heads. Finally, people start registering in droves, and the population was ready to vote.

Sleepy was scared. He knew that if everyone went out to vote, he would really lose. He sent his ministers to promise riches and fame to those that vote to keep him alive. However, the people were not going to be fooled again. They knew that Sleepy had broken all his promises, and they should no longer stand for a ruler who treats his people like crap (except for UNO. UNO members get benefits), and a ruler who rules by fear and not by love. They now understood that true power lies in the hands of the people, and with a single vote, can bring down a tyrant. The people knew that they no longer had to hope for a foreign kingdom to come save them, or for the rulers of the kingdom to suddenly develop a guilty conscience.

When the time came to vote, the people voted with their hearts and minds, and not through fear or the dungeons of Isa, or promises of riches. On that historic day, the number of votes for Option A: Strike Sleepy With Lightning easily outnumbered the number of votes for Option B: Leave Sleepy Alone. The people were overjoyed and pleasantly surprised that their vote really counted, when they initially had so many doubts. They finally understood that if they dreamed that something should happen, then they have to make it happen and not wait for someone to save them.

The gods took heed of the people’s wishes, and struck Sleepy with lightning. Sleepy did not die, but out of shame, he left the kingdom and was never seen again.

Ever since that historic day, the power was in the hands of the people. Whenever a ruler crossed the people, they would look back upon that day, and they would exercise their precious, single vote, and remove that ruler from power. From then on, the kingdom was ruled by wise people, and the people lived happily ever after.

THE END

P.S. 10 points for you if you can spot all pop-culture references.

What did you think of that fairy tale? Share your thoughts with us.

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