Malaysians Say The Darndest Things!

Quickie Psychology Lesson: 5 Stages Of Grief

April 24, 2008

If you’ve ever attended an entry-level college Psychology course, you wouldn’t be able to escape learning about the 5 Stages Of Grief, as prescribed in the Kübler-Ross model.

The 5 stages describe phases that an individual goes through in the event of finding out about a terminal illness, death of a loved one, loss of a job, or some other catastrophic event the the individual’s life.

Here’s a quick run-through of each phase:

Denial

The first phase is denial. Basically, the person can’t believe that something so bad is happening to him that he chooses to deny its existence.

Anger

The second phase basically describes the emotion of a person who feels resentful. She blames God for her cancer, she is angry at her husband for dying early and leaving her with 4 kids to feed.

Bargaining

Bargaining is when the person tries to find a way to reason with the cards that he has been dealt with. A common bargaining situation is when the man asks God to let him live longer so that he can walk his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day.

Depression

Upon realizing that she has no power over stopping the event, she usually slips into a depressed state of mind and an overwhelming feeling of sadness engulfs her.

Acceptance

The final phase. This is when the person finally accepts the situation and decides to deal with it. He knows that it is time to get on with his life, and continuously feeling angry or sad will do nothing to solve his problem.

Well, that’s a quick summary of the 5 phases. Of course, my examples might not be 100% accurate (after all, the government says you shouldn’t trust bloggers), but I hope you get the idea of the concept (and I hope it encourages and motivates you to go read more about it). IMHO, if a person goes through these phases, but ends with Acceptance, he could be considered to be coping well with his grief.
Thanks for listening. Now get back to work, you bum.

Oh wait, that wasn’t the point of this post at all. Before ending, Wikipedia has this to say about the Kübler-Ross model:

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or infertility. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

A real-life example can be found in Malaysia’s political scene, so we don’t have to look far. If you weren’t hiding in a cave in Afghanistan, you must have read that the Pakatan Rakyat Penang government has appointed Barisan Nasional’s Lee Kah Choon as the director of state-owned Penang Development Corporation and InvestPenang.

This unprecedented move of inter-party cooperation was met with disbelief and derision from the Barisan Nasional camp as Lee Kah Choon was most recently a deputy sec-gen of Gerakan before the March 8th polls and was even in the running to become the next Penang Chief Minister. He lost in the elections of course, and he then resigned from all party positions and stayed as an ordinary member.

One particular politician, who will be the focus of our psychology lesson today is Lim Keng Yaik, the ‘Minister Mentor’ of Gerakan. Here is how Lim Keng Yaik dealt with his ‘grief’ over this unprecedented event (using exerpts from Malaysiakini):

Acceptance (April 21st 2008)

Gerakan advisor and former president Lim Keng Yaik is, though not showing it, is shocked by former Gerakan deputy secretary-general Lee Kah Choon’s move to accept directorship of the Penang Development Corporation (PDC) and InvestPenang.

Describing it as a ‘lump in my throat’, Lim, when asked to elaborate further on what he thought of Lee’s move to spearhead PDC which is now under the control of a Pakatan Rakyat government, said that he has ‘only pity’ for the latter.

He, however, also said that he wished Lee the ‘best of luck’.

…

Closing the half-an-hour press conference, Lim said that all he could say to Lee was ‘best of luck’ stressing that he was not being sarcastic about it. (O RLY?)

Anger (April 24th 2008)

Former Gerakan president Dr Lim Keng Yaik has criticised former protegé Lee Kah Choon for lacking principles by seeking greener pastures with the new Penang Pakatan Rakyat government.

“This young man (Lee) is not willing to struggle anymore. He is trying to take short cuts. Don’t tell me he is not in active politics anymore. He is still very much in it, but now, with a DAP agenda,” he said.

…

Describing himself as a “disappointed and angry old man” over the matter, Keng Yaik said he shouldered the blame for grooming Lee as a prominent leader in the party.

“I’m disappointed and angry because he was picked by me. (Acting Gerakan president Dr Koh) Tsu Koon should not be blamed,” he said.

…

He described efforts by Penang Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng to rope in Lee as a form of “poaching” which he also repeatedly described as “froggy politics”.

“And Guan Eng has the gall to say that this is a ‘new era’ of politics. My foot! He is a far more cunning politician than his father or Karpal Singh.

“I don‘t think his father or Karpal would approve of (Guan Eng‘s) effort. This was the kind of things (crossing over) they were shouting (in protest against) when we were in power,” said Keng Yaik.

What about the Denial, Bargaining, and Depression phase? Maybe Lim Keng Yaik will never experience those phases, and certainly not Depression. But one thing is clear: Lim Keng Yaik is not ‘coping well with his grief’, and some might say he has even regressed after having reached the Acceptance phase so quickly.

“Bloody Lee Kah Choon. I will bite you as hard as this ‘pau’.”

My advice to Lim Keng Yaik, although he will certainly laugh in my face if I dared offer it to his face: Accept the situation. The sooner he realizes that not all politicians are partisans, the sooner he can develop ways to heal and reinvent his party. Cooperation for the greater good of the people should not be seen as a bad thing.

Maybe Si Pin, you can pass on my advice to Daddy?

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