Malaysians Say The Darndest Things!

RM2.70 Petrol? Top 10 Ways To Handle It

June 6, 2008

Ok, the people are still bitching, and unhappy over the whole 78 sen per liter increase of petrol prices. But the sooner we stop bitching, and start trying to figure out how to deal with RM2.70 petrol, the better it is for you and your finances (and sanity).

Here are my Top 10 ways you can actually ‘handle’ this situation. Just like how a pro would.

1. Join a demonstration

It probably won’t bring the prices down, but if you really want to protest, all power to you. There are already news of pockets of small protests by different groups, but the ‘happening’ one will be held on July 12th 2008. The news dudes in Malaysiakini indicated that the group PROTES is planning to rally 100,000 people at the Petronas Twin Towers (how iconic). I miss the taste of acid-laced water, so I’ll see you there.

2. Get a motorcycle

At RM15 a full tank, what’s not to like? If you can ignore the rain, higher fatality rates, and a new reputation as a rempit, then go for it! Think about not having to wait in traffic-light queues. Think of getting to your destination faster and not missing the first 10 minutes of Lord Of The Rings because you couldn’t find parking. Think of the fact that you don’t pay toll, and pay minimal road tax (RM2 I am told?). Time to dust off the old kapchai and put it back into action and renew that Class B Driver’s License.

3. Start taking public transportation seriously

Ok, to those of you that do not have no buses servicing your neighborhood, or would have to change buses 3 or 4 times before getting to work, then forget it. Just drive to save your own soul. Otherwise, the options are plenty. Of course, it really depends on where you stay and where you work. Light rail is the most comfortable transportation option in Malaysia, although I really, really, really, really, really hate Putra LRT during peak hours. The horrors of being a sardine stuffed into a tin can. If you live or work near a Star LRT station, then congratulations, you just need to make some plans and adjustments to your schedule to start a habit of using public transportation.

4. Adopt more fuel-efficient driving methods

There are tons of ways you can save petrol while driving. For example, my favorite habit is doing 0-100km/h in 5 seconds (my car is incapable of doing such speeds, but nothing’s gonna stop me from trying). Sudden acceleration and sudden braking, which is common during traffic jams will cause more petrol to be used. If possible, try to drive at a cruising speed with minimal accelerations and brakes. Inflate your tires to the right pressure as well, as incorrect tire pressure leads to more petrol being used.

5. Clean the crap in your car

Does your car have lotsa junk? Like really heavy junk like golf bags, gym bags, or body bags (which I highly recommend you throwing out ASAP). Then get it out of the car (your fat husband/wife doesn’t count here)! The more junk you carry, the more fuel you’ll need to get around.

6. Ask your boss for a raise to cover costs

Go in the boss’ room with a list of reasons why you deserve a raise or petrol subsidy. If all things fail, do #7.

7. Quit your job, and get a higher paying job

The job market is still robust, although there might be more hiring freezes coming soon. Find a company willing to pay you more, and you’ll soon forget petrol was RM2.70.

8. Marry a rich guy/girl, or find a sugardaddy/mommy

You’ll be too busy flying on your private jet to Tokyo to notice that petrol is RM2.70.

9. Become a fisherman

Fishermen in this country pay only RM1.48 (I think) per liter of diesel, limited to a few thousand liters (I think). Go buy a sampan with a motor, and buy yourself a car with a diesel engine, and move to Kuala Terengganu. Instead of filling up gas on your boat, fill up your car, and drive to KL for road trips. Whatever remaining diesel in your quota for the month can be pumped into big tanks and smuggled out for a profit. Someone mentioned fishermen getting RM20,000 a month just from selling their subsidized diesel to smugglers and not having to go out to sea. Now you can live such a carefree swashbuckling life at the expense of the gomen.

10. Migrate to Venezuela

At RM0.16 a liter, what’s not to like? Hugo Chavez will welcome you with open arms. And Venezuela has produced 4 Miss Universes and 5 Miss Worlds, so your chances of hooking up with a really hot one is exponentially higher than in Malaysia (Zero Miss Universe, Zero Miss World). This is literally like what the Parliament guy says, “Kalau you tak suka negara ini, you boleh keluar!”. That would be good advice in such a time.

And thus concludes my Top 10 list. It is obvious that some of it are not to be taken seriously (it is obvious I ran out of ideas), but I hoped you enjoyed it. What other methods do you have to deal with this crisis? Share them with us in the comments!

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